Decades have passed, ages have passed, but the quest for Jack Daniels by mankind has remained refreshingly the same. Wine is a bottled poetry, they say, and man has seemed to embrace this tightly. However, a la Isaac Newton(see here)/Justin Timberlake(see here), what goes around comes back around. Hangovers have seemed to determinedly plagued mankind ever since the advent of the alcohol.You have a shot, you have nothing the other day. You have a few shots, you have a slight headache the other day. You have a deluge of shots with a feeling that you have drank the whole bar, you wake up in your vomit (hoping that is yours!) the other day. You see, the extent of repentance is always proportionate to the amount of shots indicating that the law of diminishing effects does not apply when it comes to alcohol consumption.
Given that medical professionals have tried to come up with a cure for hangover for centuries but in vain, it is ironic that I - a person who is remotely connected with medicine - have finally discovered the cure throwing these losers into disarray. So here we go...
The best and most obvious way to avoid a hangover is not to drink at all, but who am I kidding? Let us kick that option away.
When you wake up feeling unpleasant after a night of revelry, the most important thing to remember is that God is punishing you for having fun. In order to cure your hangover, you must therefore attend Church as quickly as possible. During the service, pray for hydration. When the collection plate is passed, remove some bucks and use it to purchase a couple of aspirin.
On your way home from Church, stop at the grocery store and buy all the leafy vegetables you can carry. Then quickly affix them to your head. Laughter is a type of medicine, so try hard to laugh at yourself. This shouldn't be difficult, because you're wearing a hat made of salad. Seriously, look in the mirror. You look like an asshole.
Time to go jogging. Studies show that exercise generates powerful endorphins, diminishing feelings of weakness and nausea and replacing them with similar but subtly higher-quality feelings of weakness and nausea. While you are running, think about the reasons you got so drunk last night. Your life's pretty messed up, isn't it? Yes. Run faster.
Finally, look back all that you have done. You are now a thief, nuts in the mind and your whole life is messed up. Hangover is hardly a problem now. Take the aspirins and go to sleep. If you still have a hangover the next day, don't worry I have got a cure for that as well and I will let you know when the time comes.
Cheers.
The best and most obvious way to avoid a hangover is not to drink at all, but who am I kidding? Let us kick that option away.
When you wake up feeling unpleasant after a night of revelry, the most important thing to remember is that God is punishing you for having fun. In order to cure your hangover, you must therefore attend Church as quickly as possible. During the service, pray for hydration. When the collection plate is passed, remove some bucks and use it to purchase a couple of aspirin.
On your way home from Church, stop at the grocery store and buy all the leafy vegetables you can carry. Then quickly affix them to your head. Laughter is a type of medicine, so try hard to laugh at yourself. This shouldn't be difficult, because you're wearing a hat made of salad. Seriously, look in the mirror. You look like an asshole.
Time to go jogging. Studies show that exercise generates powerful endorphins, diminishing feelings of weakness and nausea and replacing them with similar but subtly higher-quality feelings of weakness and nausea. While you are running, think about the reasons you got so drunk last night. Your life's pretty messed up, isn't it? Yes. Run faster.
Finally, look back all that you have done. You are now a thief, nuts in the mind and your whole life is messed up. Hangover is hardly a problem now. Take the aspirins and go to sleep. If you still have a hangover the next day, don't worry I have got a cure for that as well and I will let you know when the time comes.
Cheers.
