Okay there was the New Year last year, and there were these people near London Eye kissing each other the moment clock ticked 12. The firework display, which was ravishing and had cost the already GDP-draught economy enough to feed Isabelle Caro, went unnoticed by the visitors because most of them were just too busy kissing and the ones who weren't kissing were busy watching the ones kissing. Pity that Isabelle Caro died, one of the many sad things that happened last year, although it wasn't much shocking to most people like me. And here we go, it is the New Year again. The time people to party, get drunk, take drugs, smoke the hell out, involve in illegal shagging the last night of December and take resolutions the next day not to do these things ever again in their life.
Speaking of resolutions, I did take a few last year.
Resolution no 1: I will quit drinking Carlsberg.
I thought of taking the resolution 'I will quit smoking' like everyone else just because it sounds cool but too bad for me that I don't smoke. I wonder if the dude who narrated why Lucy Strike was good to smoke ever did take one such resolution but it just doesn't matter any more because he would be dead by now even if he didn't smoke. Anyway, since it is Carlsberg and I couldn't resist, I took a less arrogant one the next day - 'I will only drink Carlsberg that I did not pay for'. Lamentably, it was so much easier in the UK to steal them at an 'off-license' shop especially when the pretty girl behind the counter was busy (i) casting her vote for a reality show in BBC or (ii) dreaming of kissing the next boyfriend at the next New Year near London Eye, leading the million dollar firework display into vain again by belonging to the group who kiss each other and being the reason for the ones who doesn't kiss to miss the show too. Either of these kept happening every time I kept walking in and out of the store.
After a few months I started drinking Carlsberg more than the previous year because I was too busy trying to quit stealing!
Resolution no 2: I will stop using gallows humour.
Gallows humour are really funny. Some say even dogs laugh at them, the some belonging to the community who 'love' animals but just do not hesitate to kill, mince and eat them when it comes to satisfying their hunger. For gallows humour to work, the timing has to be correct. At one funeral with cloud of sorrowfulness I gave a toast to the father, of a lovely ten year old son Jake, who bereaved the death of his mother. High five for those who found the last sentence to be some family tree question from a mind chopping aptitude exam which we could never solve. Back to the point, just to lighten up the mood, I thought of opening my toast with a joke.
'You know, my mom thought LOL meant lots of love and thats when she texted me your grandmother just died. LOL.''
This time the timing was some light years away. Jake giggled, the rest frowned and the joke went into Jake's Facebook status soon. Okay people, if kids love it why should I stop doing it?
Resolution no 3: I will be nicer to dumb people.
I'm definitely not Mr. Popular in College but thankfully I'm not Mr. Unpopular either. That would be stupid Raj especially since I told every one that he, and not I, was the one stealing keyboards from the library computers. Poor Raj was denied access to library any more but I still tried to be nicer to the other idiots around. Unfortunately enough I soon came to know Aristotle once said that it is only by holding up idiocy to ridicule might we reduce it. Dejected that my resolution was so anti-Aristotle, I boarded the plane to London and heard the blonde scream 'Earthquake Earthquake!!' when the flight shook hard due to passing through turbulence.
Thats it, if being nicer means sucking up to people like this, I'd rather ditch this dopey resolution altogether.
Having nothing worked, I have decided not to take resolutions any more in life. Perhaps, that is my resolution for this year.
Cheers,
G'tam.
Speaking of resolutions, I did take a few last year.
Resolution no 1: I will quit drinking Carlsberg.
I thought of taking the resolution 'I will quit smoking' like everyone else just because it sounds cool but too bad for me that I don't smoke. I wonder if the dude who narrated why Lucy Strike was good to smoke ever did take one such resolution but it just doesn't matter any more because he would be dead by now even if he didn't smoke. Anyway, since it is Carlsberg and I couldn't resist, I took a less arrogant one the next day - 'I will only drink Carlsberg that I did not pay for'. Lamentably, it was so much easier in the UK to steal them at an 'off-license' shop especially when the pretty girl behind the counter was busy (i) casting her vote for a reality show in BBC or (ii) dreaming of kissing the next boyfriend at the next New Year near London Eye, leading the million dollar firework display into vain again by belonging to the group who kiss each other and being the reason for the ones who doesn't kiss to miss the show too. Either of these kept happening every time I kept walking in and out of the store.
After a few months I started drinking Carlsberg more than the previous year because I was too busy trying to quit stealing!
Resolution no 2: I will stop using gallows humour.
Gallows humour are really funny. Some say even dogs laugh at them, the some belonging to the community who 'love' animals but just do not hesitate to kill, mince and eat them when it comes to satisfying their hunger. For gallows humour to work, the timing has to be correct. At one funeral with cloud of sorrowfulness I gave a toast to the father, of a lovely ten year old son Jake, who bereaved the death of his mother. High five for those who found the last sentence to be some family tree question from a mind chopping aptitude exam which we could never solve. Back to the point, just to lighten up the mood, I thought of opening my toast with a joke.
'You know, my mom thought LOL meant lots of love and thats when she texted me your grandmother just died. LOL.''
This time the timing was some light years away. Jake giggled, the rest frowned and the joke went into Jake's Facebook status soon. Okay people, if kids love it why should I stop doing it?
Resolution no 3: I will be nicer to dumb people.
I'm definitely not Mr. Popular in College but thankfully I'm not Mr. Unpopular either. That would be stupid Raj especially since I told every one that he, and not I, was the one stealing keyboards from the library computers. Poor Raj was denied access to library any more but I still tried to be nicer to the other idiots around. Unfortunately enough I soon came to know Aristotle once said that it is only by holding up idiocy to ridicule might we reduce it. Dejected that my resolution was so anti-Aristotle, I boarded the plane to London and heard the blonde scream 'Earthquake Earthquake!!' when the flight shook hard due to passing through turbulence.
Thats it, if being nicer means sucking up to people like this, I'd rather ditch this dopey resolution altogether.
Having nothing worked, I have decided not to take resolutions any more in life. Perhaps, that is my resolution for this year.
Cheers,
G'tam.
that's a cool one..the joke [lol}...that was really funny..at the end u took a nice resolution. thank god i did that some 2 years back. was that true tat a blonde shouted "earth quake" jus because d flight shook bcoz of turbulence
ReplyDeleteThanks mate. And for the blondie, well the answer is no. But the look on her face revealed that to me!
ReplyDeletestarted developin psychic skills as well i guess..nice narration..cheers mate
ReplyDelete